Tag Archives: Listography

April 23, 2012

Listography: Top 5 Wishes For My Children

KateTakes5′s Listography this week is one to make any parent gulp! My mum and dad never had any wishes for their kids, beyond the usual,  ’As long as they’re happy and healthy’ and I’m glad to report that, 90 per cent of the time, their wishes have been fulfilled.

But we live in a more competitive age. Of course we still want those age-old ambitions of happiness and health, but we also require oh so much more.

So here are my Top 5 Wishes For My Children…

1. THAT THEY LEAVE HOME AT 16
That was the age I left home and it was the best thing that could have ever happened for the relationship with my parents before we killed each other. I love my kids dearly, but with one bathroom between us and the fact that the stepdaughter already spends half an hour in their in the mornings, plus the fact that my sons are, according to the Centile Scale, are going to be at least 6ft 2, I think it’s for the best that they vacate the property as soon as it is legal for them to do so.

2. THAT THEY EARN MILLIONS SO THEY CAN BANKROLL MY DREAM OF OWNING A RESTAURANT
I didn’t have kids out of love and connection, I had them for the same reasons I bought a flat: an investment. Those little guys are my pension. It is why I devote hours of my precious time to the Housedad’s Homework Club – so that they will soar to success in their chosen professions – as long as those ‘chosen’ professions earn them squillions. I reckon the King of Saudi’s Harem Keeper might be quite lucrative. Then I can crack on with RHD’s STEAK, CHEESE AND THICE-COOKED CHIPS GRILL.

3. THAT THEY HAVE GRANDKIDS BEFORE I DIE
At 48, I’m not the youngest of dads. I didn’t have my first-born until I was 41. If my eldest son waits that long I will have been pushing up the daisies long before he becomes a dad. Which would be a shame, because I know how much my dad gets out of his grandkids when we visit. I’d like to experience some of that, too. Twice a year. That would be enough.

4. THAT THEIR OWN CHILDREN ARE AS MESSY AS MINE
So that they can experience the sheer hell of listening to one’s nagging, hectoring voice day-in, day-out as I plead with them to tidy their bedrooms/pick up the towels/throw the sweet wrapper in the bin/throw that banana skin away, before adding: ‘THIS IS MY HOME, NOT A RUBBISH TIP – JUST YOU WAIT ‘TIL YOU GET A PLACE OF YOUR OWN, I’M GOING TO COME ALONG WITH A GIANT RUBBISH LORRY AND TIP IT ALL OVER YOUR CARPETS’

5. THAT THEY ARE POLITE, SELF-AWARE AND ALWAYS RESPECT THEIR ELDERS…
..especially me.

• What wishes do you have for your children? Head over to Kate’s Listography and share yours.

 

 

 

8 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , ,

March 26, 2012

Listography: 5 Beauty Products I Couldn’t Live Without

There was an apology from KateTakes5 on this week’s Listography. A sexist apology, I might add. Why can’t men join in with the 5 Beauty Products them of this week’s list? I very much beg to differ. Here are mine…

1. LE BRUSH DE CHEVEUX

The elegance de le Brosse Relucteau MaisonPere is a must for every metrosexual male. It brushes, it combs, it untangles…it does everything a brush should do and, well, not a lot more. An essential for every man about the house.

2. LE BRUSH DE TEETH

No man should be without this enamel cleaning interface application. Used in conjunction with the Tooth de Paste (see below), everyone from the postman to the guy who delivers stuff from Amazon will benefit from your winning smile.

3. TOOTH DE PASTE

Other brands are also available.

4. LE FLANNEL DES ENFANTS

For the family homme who likes to get closer to his children, use their Flannel de Ben 10 rather than buying one of your own. Especially effective on armpits.

5. MAINS DE CLEANSER

Can also be used on the le visage and other body parts.

• What are you Top 5 Beauty Products? Head over to le Listographie and share yours. Allez vous!

 

 

10 Comments

Filed under Chronicles

Tagged as , ,

March 19, 2012

Listography: 5 Reasons I Know I’m…

…writing this. 

1. I’m sitting on a chair looking at the screen of the computer.

2. My fingers are hitting keys on a keyboard in a systematic order to form words.

3. As I write, the neurons in my brain are connecting with each other to create the next sentence.

4. This is that next sentence.

5. And this is number 5. The last of the reasons I know I’m writing this because I’m looking at it with my eyes.

• For more ‘Reasons I know I’m…’ head over to KateTakes5′s weekly Listography.

 

10 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , ,

March 11, 2012

Listography: 5 favourite cookbooks

I love this challenge from Katetakes5′s Listography this week. Let me re-phrase that: I LOVE THIS CHALLENGE.

As a former cookery magazine Editor and virtual owner of the Recipe Shed, I’ve got cookbooks holding up the walls in our flat. Some I use a lot; others have been flicked through once, then put away, just gathering dust.

Some mean nothing to me; others the world. And these are those. The 5 cookbooks that have a story behind them.

1. MY RECIPE BOOK

My wife bought me this leather-bound recipe book for my birthday four years ago, long before I started a blog, and probably even before the internet was invented. I keep (or rather kept – because I rarely use it now that I have my online Recipe Shed) all my favourite recipes in it, some I’ve tried and tested from other sources, and some I’ve concocted myself. One of my favourites is Southern Fried Chicken, sourced from a magazine called Fresh, featuring around 30 ingredients.

2. HESTON BLUMENTHAL AT HOME

I got this for Christmas last year and spent a very happy hour putting Post-it notes on all the recipes I want to try – around 30 in total. I’ve done about 20 so far, top of the list being the most sublime Chilli Con Carne I’ve ever tasted. The secret ingredient is a Spiced Butter, made with Worcestershire sauce, tomato ketchup and Marmite. Oh, and the pure crispy, fluffy genius of his triple-cooked chips!

 

 

3. HESTON BLUMENTHAL ‘PERFECTION’

This was released to coincide with the great man’s TV series of the same name. It only contains half a dozen recipes, but they are ‘perfect’ versions of them. How to Cook the Perfect Steak is top of the list, followed by Chicken Tikka Masala which took three days in preparation and God knows how many ingredients, but my word, it was the business.

4. ‘BALTI CURRY COOKBOOK’ by PAT CHAPMAN

Pat’s Indian Restaurant Cookbook was the first I ever bought after  a back-packing trip around India 10 years ago. It gives you all the basics to re-create restaurant-style curries at home BUT it is surpassed by his Balti book. I was a Balti addict when I worked in Birmingham for four years in the ‘Nineties and longed to make my own. Pat shows you how. There is A LOT of groundwork involved, in terms of grinding and blending several dozen spices, but you can use them as bases time and time again, so well worth the effort. One of my favourites from the book is Balti Keema, based on mince.

5. ‘MEAT’ by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

Not just a recipe book, but a science manual about everything to do with a carnivore’s dream, from the breeds of animals, to the cuts, to the cooking techniques. I’ve tried and tasted about half of Hugh’s offerings and my favourite by a long-shot is my variation of his Donnie Brasco Aromatic Shoulder of Pork, cooked for 6 hours. Why Donnie Brasco? Because you put it in the oven and ‘Fuggedaboutit’.

• What have you got in your cookbook collection – and why? Head over to KateTakes5′s Listography and share yours.

 

 

 

11 Comments

Filed under Recipe Shed

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,