Tag Archives: Blogger Insights

January 29, 2013

Come on Dads…make a difference at the MADS!

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I am honoured and proud to have been asked to be a judge for this year’s MADS (that’s Mum and Dads) Awards. For this year, there is a cause to champion: the cause of Dad Bloggers.

Many of you will recall  there was quite a furore following the announcement of last year’s MADS finalists because only one Dad Blogger made the final cut –  the supremely talented Tom  Arber (who co-blogs with his wife Becky at Ar-Blog) in the Photography category.

This cued a flurry of head-scratching and angst amongst our ilk (summarised beautifully in this brilliantly written post by a dad!): Were dads not going enough? Were we not social networky enough? Were we such a tiny minority in the parent blogger world that no matter how loud we shouted it would always come out as a squeak?

Some called for a distinct category for the male of the species; others thought this would be positive discrimination and that dads should be judged against the mums on their own merits, breasts and testicles not withstanding.

In the end, the wise organisers and sponsors of the MADS decided that dads could and should be able to hold their own!

Perhaps all they needed was somebody to bang their drum a little louder. Well, here I am, kettle drum to the left of me, bass drum to the right, holding two massive great cabers ready to bang proud and loud.

I follow lots of dad blogs (and mum blogs and food blogs, too) and there is absolutely no reason why we should not be right up there, at the top of the mountain, slugging it out, word-for-word, photo-for-photo, whimsy-for-whimsy, anecdote-for-anecdote, tip-for-tip, tat-for-tat with our funny, creative, inspiring sisters.

So bring it on. Get stuck in. Identify your favourtie blogs – dads or mums – and nominate away.

There are loads of categories to choose from and I can already think of some worthy contenders who should have a presence in several.

However, I’m not allowed to nominate. I’m a judge. Impartial, see!  But YOU can – and MUST.

There are 16 categories in all, with a fantastic prize for the winning blog attached to each, ranging from a holiday to a Kindle Fire to Mothercare vouchers to Skylanders.

So who are you going to nominate for…

MAD Blog of the Year

Best Blog Writer

Best Baby Blog

Pregnancy

Family Travel

New

Family Life

Craft

Food

Innovative

MAD Blog for Family Fun

Thrifty

Schooldays

Entertaining

Photography

Sooooooooo many to choose from. Soooooooooo little time. Click here and get nominating now.

A word about me: What qualifies me to be a judge?

Nothing, really. I’m a blogger, just like everyone else who wants to be nominated. Food and parenting are my whimsies and last year, I thought I might make a shortlist through my Reluctant Housedad blog.

But like lots of dads, I ended up disappointed. And like lots of dads, I concluded I needed to raise my game.

I’ve been blogging about family life since December 2010, ever since my wife and I swapped roles following redundancy from my job as a magazine editor. I became a reluctant housedad to our three young children while my wife went to work and brought home the bacon.

Since our youngest started school, I’ve made a living working from home  as a freelance writer, writing about parenting and lifestyle issues.  There’s more info about all the judges here.

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February 8, 2012

Interview: Secrets to becoming a successful author…by Amanda Egan aka Mummy Misfit

Diary of a Mummy Misfit

Amanda Egan has something I want – something that many of us bloggers want: published books. She’s the brilliantly successful author of Mummy Misfit and The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit.

Many of us bloggers think we ‘got a book in us’, but Amanda has done it. Here, she has kindly agreed to share her wisdom…

You’re a Misfit Mummy. Explain yourself? (personal description of you – family, what you did before becoming a writer)

Oh boy!  OK a Mummy Misfit is any mum who, at any point, feels like she doesn’t belong – for whatever reason.  In my case it was because we chose to send our son to private school when it was clearly going to be a struggle.  We weren’t the typical demographic, sacrificed ALL holidays and luxuries and I didn’t have a designer handbag to my name.

As for me, I’m a 48 year old mum to one son of 16.  We wanted more but it never happened – that’s another story.  I trained professionally as an actress but then realised it doesn’t pay the bills so I went on to work as a dental nurse and then as a receptionist for a finance company where I fell in love with my boss and married him!  We’re still together,  22 years later.  I taught adult literacy for a few years, which I found hugely rewarding, but the constant closure of classes drove me mad.  I currently run a dog-minding agency from home and combine it with writing and caring for my elderly mother who lives independently but close by.

Amanda with her son when he was a baby

Tell us about your books. Go on, plug away. What are they and what are they about?

Diary of a Mummy Misfit and The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit tell the story of Libby and Ned Marchant who choose to send their son to a private prep-school.  Sound familiar?!  I basically took my experiences, and the way I was made to feel by the affluent mothers, and exaggerated them into a work of fiction.  The books are bitchy, humorous reads which take a look at the ‘haves and the have-nots’.  I’ve been told they are like a grown up Bridget Jones.

The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit

When/how did you first decide there was a book in you?

I think I may have been born with a book in me.  I’ve always written, for as long as I can remember, and I loved being given ‘compositions’ to do at school.  I have a drawer full of unfinished novels from my past (even a very pathetic attempt at a Mills & Boon romance!) but the turning point came when my son developed school phobia at the age of 11.  I had to remain at the school (outside the classroom or in the car park) for three years to see him through his condition.  As you can imagine, I needed to keep myself entertained so I spent every day, from 8.30 until 4 reading.  In some ways it was heaven, just to totally immerse myself into a plot but it was also a tough few years for us as a family.  One day I had the seed of an idea for my first book and it was written within 3 months in my car in the school car park on a borrowed laptop.  The final edits took months as did its journey to publication.

The blogosphere is full of brilliant writers, some professionals, most not. What tips do you have if any of us want to write a book?

My top tip would be ‘just do it’.  Stop talking about it, stop planning, stop saying you’ll do it when you’ve got time.  Just get on and do it.  And try to write every day, even if it’s a few lines or reading over what you’ve written the day before and editing.  Also, for me, I can’t over-plan.  If I know exactly where the book is going I get bored and give up on it.  I like to have my characters surprise me.  I know that this doesn’t work for all writers but I like to have my characters fully ready to hit the stage with a rough outline of how they’re going to get from A to B and then see where they take me.

I’ve written three novels, none of them published. I tried to get an agent but with no success. Aside from the fact they just might not be good enough, what advice would you give to wannabe authors like myself?

I gave up on the traditional route when I was let down badly by an agent after coming very close to publication.  I think with the advent of eBooks, the world of publishing is changing and it’s very exciting for debut writers.  My advice would be, if you’ve really polished your work and asked several people to read it and give feedback, publish as an eBook on Amazon and promote like hell.  What have you got to lose?  Then if lots of people show interest in the book as a paperback, go to a company like Lulu and upload your book as a Print on Demand publication.  You don’t pay anything for the service (OK you don’t earn a whole heap either) but it gets your book reaching a wider audience.  Oh, and always make sure you have a great cover!  I LOVE my covers and my readers seem to as well.

How did you get published (describe process)?

I guess I kind of covered that in the question above (really should learn to read ahead!!)  My agent had received ‘unprecedented praise for a first novel’, but I was asked to make some changes – word culls, an additional character etc – and once they were done we waited.  My agent waited for so long, the two publishing houses who had shown interest had in the meantime decided against taking on new talent.  One because they’d signed someone too similar and the other because they weren’t taking risks in the current financial climate.  I sulked, sacked the agent and then decided to go Indie – I’ve never looked back.

What’s your writing methodology – where, when, for how long do you write?

I write Monday to Friday from 9 – 4 and occasionally, for very short bursts, at the weekends.  I work in my upstairs sitting room or at my kitchen table.  I usually have a rough idea of what I’ll be writing on a particular day but if things go really badly I go on Twitter and moan to other writer friends.  You need never be lonely as a writer now.

Is there any money in it?

Now that’s a tricky one.  As an Indie, it’s all down to the amount of work you’re prepared to put in.  And it’s a LOT of work.  Nobody is selling your books for you, except you and your readers.  They say it’s a slow build and I can see why. The world doesn’t know who you are when you launch that first book and it’s up to you to spread the word.  Yes, there’s money in it but I won’t be retiring just yet!

Could you recommend any websites or books for wannabe authors?

I don’t read books about writing anymore.  I used to, but I just found that they confused me and made me feel like I should be writing in the way that someone else wanted me to.  I now write in my style, following my own rules and my heart.  As a writer, you need to be reading novels constantly and get to know your genre and your audience – I think that’s far more constructive than reading ‘how to’ books.  As for websites, I love Michelle Betham’s blog LINK.  Another Indie who is open and honest, wears her heart on her sleeve and tells it as it really is.

And finally…what’s your favourite cheese?

Favourite cheese is the very stinky and yummy Pié d’Angloys.  I like it left out of the fridge for a good few hours before ‘nomming’ – it’s gooey, sticky and a bit brussel sprouty!!

Amanda’s books can be bought on Amazon for Kindle and in paperback at Lulu.  She blogs at Mummy Misfit LINK 

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September 21, 2011

Blogger Insights: Fellow Housedad Gooner Jamie

For an Arsenal fan (I think he is; might be wrong ;) , Jamie Harding ain’t half bad. His blog, The Life and Times of a Househusband is funny and sharp, but also packed with loads of comps and giveaways. Well worth a visit. Jamie is one of those rare souls who has managed to combine bringing up kids with working from home, juggling domestic life with designing literature for charities. It’s the holy grail. And that’s why I want to know more about him…

Reluctant Housedad: So, GoonerJamie, who are ya, who are ya?
GJ: At the time I become a househusband I owned a pub and my wife worked in the banking industry.  The kids were 13, 2 and 6 months, so the eldest was at school full time and other than a couple of days a week when the middle one went to nursery, I looked after the kids during the day.

RHD: How did you become a housedad?
GJ: I used to own a pub that we decided to sell as we could see the writing was on the wall for small pubs – the smoking ban, increases in rates and Sky subscriptions, were all making things really hard to earn a decent crust.  The wife had a decent job in the City, so we thought that we would be better off with me looking after the kids rather than paying the exorbitant prices that Nurseries charge.  I had been looking after the kids during the day anyway, bringing them into the pub with me in the mornings, home in the afternoons, then a quick changeover with the wife in the evenings, so I was used to the childcare aspect of it anyway.

RHD: Have you tried to find another full-time job?
GJ: I hadn’t really tried to look for another job, but in November last year a perfect ‘working from home’ job fell into my lap so now I have two full time jobs.

RHD: How has being a housedad affect your relationship with your wife?
GJ: I’m not sure it has really.  I’ve never been that motivated by money, so her being the bigger earner never really bothered me.

RHD: And your children?
GJ: That’s a tough one to quantify.  Has it made us closer, I suspect it probably has, but their Mum is still the one they run to when they are hurt, and I’m still the ‘Bad Cop’ in the discipline department.

RHD: And your friends?
GJ: I’m an ex-publican and a natural pee-taker, so part of that is being able to take stick as well as you give it.  Of course I got a bit of flak about doing the washing or cleaning, but sending them an email at work at 1pm saying that I had finished the dusting and was now sitting in the garden enjoying a beer soon put paid to that.  In my humble opinion it takes bigger balls to be a housedad than a working dad (unless you’re in the Army or something and then much kudos to you mate).

RHD: What are the best 5 things about being a housedad?
GJ:
•    Cooking with the kids.  My six year old, Kaede, has taken a real interest in cooking, herbs and all that goes with it.  More often than not, as soon as she hears me starting to prep the food, she will come out grab a chair and demand to join in.
•    Getting to watch them at their most unguarded.  Those moments when they are deeply engrossed in whatever made up game they are currently playing, chatting away to themselves, have given me some of my biggest smiles.
•    Sharing secrets with the kids.  Exchanging a conspiratorial smile with them when their Mum wants to know where her phone is, and we all keep quiet that we had accidentally run it through the washing machine.  I’m training them to be ace spies and information gatherers.
•    Grabbing some peace and quiet for yourself.  If you time it right you can get all your chores done when the kids are around leaving the afternoon semi-free to play the Xbox, or just sit in the garden with a beer or three.
•    The shock value of your job.  I enjoy nothing more than answering the “What do you do for a living” question with “I’m a housewife actually.”  The look of confusion or shock on most people’s faces is worth the price of admission alone.

RHD: And the 5 worst?
GJ:
•    The poo, how I hate the poo.  I used to be OK with it but since I gave up smoking (4 years and counting) it seems that my sense of smell has got better.  I changed one of Nate’s nappies once and it was so bad I actually puked on him, even more embarrassing was that I tweeted that fact before I even cleaned him up.
•    The noise between 5pm and 6pm.  It seems that this is when my lot are at the worst and loudest.  This is also the time I will disappear into the kitchen and pour a glass of wine.
•    The looks you get from other Mums when you are in a playground or a park with your kids.  As far as they are concerned you are either a paedophile, or a divorced weekend dad that had obviously cheated on his Wife and has now been kicked out.
•    The feeling of always being on duty.  Sometimes it feels this job starts at 6am and doesn’t stop until 9pm when you’ve finally cleared up after eating the dinner you cooked for yourself and the Wife.  Then one of the kids start crying and wants to come downstairs, and then I just want to hide in the garage.
•    The feeling of never really owning your own money.  Always more acute during the “I go to work all day and all you do is spend my money on stupid stuff” arguments.  Just for the record, I’m spending ‘your’ money because you don’t pay me to clean, cook, drive, look after the kids, run errands and be a general dogsbody.  Figure out how much you would have to pay a stranger to do all that then pay me half of it, I won’t be spending ‘your’ money then will I? (We can both get hot-headed at times.)

RHD: do you think it’s a man’s job to be the main breadwinner?
GJ: They say it’s a woman’s job to cook, yet all the best chefs are men.  They say it’s a man’s job to lead, yet look at Margaret Thatcher.  No, scrub that one, who wants to look at her?  I think I’ve lost my train of thought now.

RHD: What does your wife think?
GJ: Who knows what any woman thinks, but I know she misses the kids and I also know that she would love to be the one staying at home.

RHD: Did you have housedads coffee mornings, like mums do?
GJ: Nope, it’s never been suggested or even hinted upon to be honest.  Which means either I really am as annoying as my wife thinks I am, or the other Dads don’t like coffee, I’m leaning towards the latter.

RHD: How has it changed you as a man?
GJ: I don’t think it can do anything else but hit your ego at first and I’m half sure that would apply to a woman giving up work as well.  I think it has made me a more complete man though, although I may have lost a few man points just for saying a sentence like that.

RHD: Do you think society values parents – men or women – who stay at home to raise children?
GJ: I don’t think they value us, if they did, they would pay us.  I was told at first that I would have to sign on just to receive my NI contribution, I never got anything else from them and even gave that up rather than face that hassle every two weeks.

RHD: How has your household income changed since you became a house dad?
GJ: We had to make a lot of cutbacks at first, mainly cutting out luxuries.  It also made me a lot better shopper, I don’t think we ever throw away food that’s gone out of date any more

RHD: One in five households now have the woman as a breadwinner. Is this a good thing? Should there be more?
GJ: I guess in the days of equality there should be more, but I firmly believe you should do what’s right for your own family and screw what everyone else thinks.

RHD: What one piece of advice would you give to new housedads?
GJ: Just go with the flow, be it with the kids, the housework, the wife, or the slummy mummies at the school gates

RHD: Would you recommend being a housedad to your working friends?
GJ: I would say if it suits your circumstances then a definite YES.  Yes it can be lonely, yes you can get strange looks and yes your mates may think there’s something wrong with you.  But if the answer  to ‘Do I want to spend more time with the children’, ‘Do I want to play a bigger role in moulding them’ and ‘Would I like to sit in the garden at 1pm in summer and have a relaxing beer’ is YES, then go for it.  Just remember to invite me around for a playdate, I’ll bring the beer.

 

 

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September 6, 2011

Blogger Insights: Ben Wakeling – nostalgic for pert breasts!

Dad, blogger, author, quantity surveyor..and waver goodbyer to pert breasts. Is there no end to the talents of BEN WAKELING, this month’s main man in the Blogger Insights’ spotlight? Let’s find out, shall we…

Reluctant Housedad (that’s me): So, Ben Wakeling, explain yourself…
BW: This sounds like an episode of Blind Date, except in this case I’m married with kids, which makes me a less than appealing proposition. My name’s Ben, I’m 27, and I live in a village called Kenilworth where the average age of the population is about 70, and the average driving speed is 20. It’s essentially where people go to die. I’ve been married to Jess for five years, we have two kids – Isaac and Noah – and in my day job I’m a Quantity Surveyor for a housebuilding company. Pick me, lonely singleton!

RH: When did you start blogging?
BW: In my head I constantly narrate my life, so I suppose I’ve been blogging for a good couple of decades. But that’s not the answer you want. The real answer is January 31st, 2010. I’ve written 174 posts, although I prefer to call them ‘beautiful works of literary art’. It works out at just over two posts a week, because I’m pretty lazy.

RH: How many hits does your blog get?
BW:  I usually get about 500-600 hits a week, which I’m fairly happy with. I’m not one of these people who gets hung up on stats too much, although I did get over 1,700 hits in one day once, which gave me a mild heart attack. I think I cheered more than I did when I found out Jess was pregnant with our first.

RH: You Tweet as @benwakeling. When did you start?
BW: 20th December 2008, although it took me a good year or two to work out what to do. I’ve sent 11,045 tweets as we speak, which equates to around 11 a day (that’s some good maths). I don’t think that’s too bad. It makes me cringe when I see people who’ve tweeted 60,000 times and have about 200 followers. In fact, I rarely indulge in any kind of lengthy, meaningful conversations via Twitter. That’s what phones are for.

RH: How many followers?
BW: I have 1612 followers, of which 1000 are spammers, 300 are random businesses, and 311 think I’m someone else or have forgotten they’ve followed me. That just leaves my dad. I can’t stand it when people unfollow me. I want to find out exactly who it is and send them a ten-page questionnaire on what I did which was so repulsive to them that they felt the need to click on the ‘Unfollow’ button.

RH: Why did you start blogging?
BW: To plug the book I was writing at the time (‘Goodbye, Pert Breasts’). I wanted to see if other people liked it, and if they did I’d carry on. Fortunately, I got some good feedback. Excellent feedback, if I counted the spammers’ comments: ‘Great post, really moving, click here for hot babes.’

RH: What did you hope to get out of it?
BW: Fame. Fortune. Wealth. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I basically my aim in life is to make everyone like me and laugh at my jokes. I can’t stand it when I know I’ve upset someone. Other people are like ‘whatever, I don’t care if she doesn’t like what I’ve written’, but all I want to do is go to the person’s house with a basket of muffins and a written apology. Basically, I want to be the Justin Bieber of the writing community, but without all the haters and jokes about girl parts. And I want fans who can grow body hair.

RH: What did you start off writing about? Your growing family and the issues surrounding that, for example?
BW: I began putting up excerpts from my book, a week-by-week account of pregnancy through my eyes. Nowadays, I write very little about parenting, instead choosing to write very random posts about strange things.

RH: Please can you add a link to your very first post so we can see the birth of your blog
BW: Of course: I’ve even given it its own bit.ly name. http://bit.ly/bensfirstblogpostinthatbloghewrites

RH: On which point, how and why did you come up with the name for your blog?
BW: My wife came up with it, OK? Honestly! So stop lynching me, angry mothers! Your boobs look great, promise! Apart from hers, over there. You could tuck the contents of a pencil case under those.

RH: You are one of only a handful of men bloggers who really connects with the ‘mummy’ blogging community. Was this deliberate?.
BW: Yes. Ever since I became a dad my eyes have been opened to the number of hot mums out there. Before, when I was young, free and single, I wouldn’t have looked twice at a woman pushing a pram. Now, the first thing I do when I take my child to playgroups is scan the room for attractive mums. Sometimes I don’t even take my child. I just stand there and leer. Plus, I know that mums like to gossip, and if they’re gossiping about my books or blog, then great – I’m all for free publicity!

RH: Three of your posts you’re most proud of
BW:
- Are You Thinking What I Think You’re Thinking? – What I imagine is going through my 16 month-old’s head when he’s been told off.
- An Ode to Obesity – I’m completely awesome at poetry, as this little ditty about fat people shows.
- Who is the Most Super-Badass Animal in the Savannah? – It’s not who you think it is.

RH: Your three favourite bloggers?
BW: Oof, I’m going to have to have a good think. Bringing up Charlie is probably on many peoples’ lists of favourite bloggers, and he’s given me a couple of good reviews. Slummy Single Mummy is also a great writer, and is guaranteed to provide a good laugh. Finally, After Iris is a blog by Jessica Southwood, who lost her baby a few years ago. She writes some of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read.

RH: Three best things about blogging
BW: Finding out other people have laughed at or enjoyed something I’ve written, being able to broadcast my innermost thoughts without any kind of regulation, and getting the odd free gadget to review.

RH: And three worst?
BW: The pressure to do it often, trying to get peoples’ attention, the sinking feeling you get when you write a brilliant post but get one page view. In a week.

RH: Tell us about your books?
BW: The first is called ‘Goodbye, Pert Breasts: The Diary of a Newborn Dad’, which gave birth to a sequel, called ‘Teething Pains: How to Survive Being a Dad’. I also wrote a book called ‘Skidmark and the Quest for Coolness’, but it’s rubbish.
- ‘Goodbye, Pert Breasts’ is about pregnancy from my perspective: what dads worry about, and the observations they make (but would never say out loud). It’s also got a few chapters on how to become more involved as well, so during the birth you’re not just stood in the corner of the delivery suite gibbering like an idiot.
- ‘Teething Pains’ deals with the first four years of being a father, and basically how to look after your child without completely screwing it up. Both of my books are packed to the brim with daft pictures and witty captions, which often bear no relevance to the topic being written about.

RH: How long did they take to write?
BW: ‘GPB’ took nine months (obviously), plus another month or two to tidy up and pad out a bit. ‘Teething Pains’ was written in about four months.

RH: How did you get them published?
BW: I tried to get them published through conventional means, going to an agent, and so on, but kept getting rejection letters, which took me back to my dating days. So I decided to self-publish. Marketing the books is incredibly hard work, and the fame I crave so deeply is way out of arm’s reach, but it’s fun, and I love to write, so I guess it’s worth it.

• Tune in next week for Ben’s Top 10 Tips for How To Survive Being a Dad.

 

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