All of KateTakes5′s observations in this month’s Listography are spot on: the fact that kids run everywhere, no matter how short the distance; their lovely mis-spelt, impromptu messages; their mispronunciations that we adopt rather than correct.
I can relate to all of them (I’m still called Guyee, rather than Daddy, because that was what the youngest decided to call me and it stuck) but I have a few others to add:
1) They’re smaller than me
…easier to pick up, beat up, push around. Especially during cushion fights. I always win. Hands down.
2) They’re very gullible
…if they ask me what sharks are made of and I say blancmange, they believe me. It’s like being the wisest man in the world without having any wisdom.
3) They think I’m the biggest, strongest, most amazing dad in the whole wide world
…and they brag about me to their friends and anyone else who listens. This is proof that brainwashing works.
4) They will do anything for a biscuit
…including emptying the dishwasher, tidying their rooms, cleaning the oven.
5) They will grow up and be far richer and more successful than I am, have been or will ever be
…and thus they are a much better Pension Plan than stocks and shares