Monthly Archives: December 2011

We are fast approaching the anniversary of  the day I officially became a Reluctant Housedad after my wife and I swapped roles when I was made redundant.

In that time, I have taken over all the roles my wife used to do, and vice versa. It has been a steep learning curve for us both. I was the main breadwinner; she was the primary carer to our three children.

At times, the transition was difficult. I felt both guilty and resentful about her ability to keep a roof over our heads, while she felt frustrated and sometimes irritated by me intruding on what used to be her domain.

But somehow, after a lot of treading on eggshells, blazing rows and Deep Meaningful Conversations, we arrived at an equilibrium. We were a team before. And now, we’re a team again.

More than anything, though, our children have been the ones who lubricated the gears of our exchange. It must have been incredibly discombobulating for them to have their dad at home all the time – an often brooding and angry dad – who far too often defaulted to shouting when things didn’t go the way I’d wanted.

But they never showed it; never displayed any confusion; never threw tantrums or threw their mother’s competence or absence in my face. They just got on with it. As kids do.

Then, just when I thought I’d got it sussed. Just when I thought I’d cracked this Perfect Father thing, along came Christmas.

And I didn’t have a clue.

I had no idea what to buy the kids, or how to wrap presents. In other words, I didn’t know how to make Christmas SPECIAL.

But my wife does. And she did.

Without a moment of fuss, or eyes rolling to the sky, she just got on with it. As she always has.

‘Leave it to me,’ she’d said at the beginning of December.

So I stepped back and let her re-claim the territory she’d given up by necessity and on Christmas morning, all her hard work and maternal competence and instinct was revealed.

It wasn’t just the beautifully wrapped presents for the children, that I’d had no idea she’d bought, nor the immaculate laying of the table for Christmas lunch (with a tablecloth, crackers and candles).

It was how our children reacted – to her.

From the moment they arrived in our bedroom, carrying pillowcases stuffed with bits and bobs, to the final ‘reveal’ of the gifts they’d asked Santa for, they knew that this part of their experience had had nothing to do with me and everything to do with their Mum.

She’d made Christmas SPECIAL. But not just for our children, but for me, too.

While she enjoyed time with her kids, I sneaked off to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

We were both in our elements. A team.

She has a week off work now – her first since she started her job a year ago – and not only her, but the kids, and me, are revelling in it.

She has reclaimed her domain. It might only be temporary, which comes with a certain sadness that it will end when she goes back to work, but for the moment, she is back where she wants to belong.

With her family.

In charge.

Perhaps it’s time for me to dust off my CV. Again!