Bit disappointed not to be on katetakes5’s list on her world famous Listography this week, 5 Celebrities I’d Like to Have a Beer with, given my previously described associations with Dale Winton. But if it’s not to be, it’s not to be. Her loss.
Celebrities? Mmm, well. I’m not particularly enamoured of the breed myself. Why would I want to spend time with an empty-headed, ego-centric, Me-Me when I can just look in the mirror and toast myself?
Still, a challenge is a challenge. And so I am rising to it by twisting the theme a little, thus: 5 CELEBRITIES CALLED KEITH I’D LIKE TO HAVE A BEER WITH.
Now Keith is a much maligned name of late. It has become something of a default name for sad and naff. Keith = Loser in modern day name-calling, and I can count on no hands the number of people under the age of 30 who share the distinguished nom de plume. (Btw, my name is Keith, if you hadn’t already guessed).
I was given my name by my mother, despite the protestations of my dad – also called Keith – by the logic that the first-born should take the father’s name. My dad wanted to call me Luke.
But Keith I am, and Keith I am proud to be. And if wasn’t for my own wife’s protestations, I would have called my first-born Keith, too.
So it is time for the Keiths of this world to be celebrated, to rise up and stand proud. And there is no better way to do such a thing than over a beer.
Without further ado, here are my drinking partners called Keith.
1. KEITH THE COOK
Though sadly departed, Keith Floyd is one of my all-time cooking heroes. A gentleman of the old school, bon viveur, raconteur, wine drinker extraordinaire. And I’m sure he liked a pint of the hoppy stuff, too. What a fantastic night it would be: a conversational smorgasbord of traveller’s tales and recipe tips. Cheers to that.
2. KEITH THE ROCK STAR
What a life Keith Richards has had, eh? What stories he would tell after a few pints of the bitter nectar. It’s etched all over his face. He’s only 23.
3. KEITH THE FIGURE OF FUN
I know he’s not real, but Keith from The Office is a show-stopper with his unintentionally witty one-liners. And who better to send to the bar for a Scotch egg?
4. KEITH THE ‘REGGAE REGGAE’ SAUCE MAKER
My favourite moment on Dragons’ Den was when the super-dude Levi Roots revealed his real name to the panel of multi-millionaires. ‘Keith,’ he said, apologetically. Surely he should have been more embarrassed by Levi? That would be my line of questioning after the ales have flowed: ‘So, Keith Valentine Graham: why the naff name-change?’
5. KEITH THE NORFOLK FOLK SINGER
Not just any old Keith, but ANOTHER Keith Kendrick. Tap it into Google and right at the top of the page you’ll find Keith Kendrick – Traditional Folk Music and Song. A man who has sniffed more barmaid’s aprons that I could ever hope to achieve.
And not forgetting…Keith Kendrick, the Cambridge sheep scientist; Keith Duffy, of Boyzone and Coronation Street fame; Keith Moon, the most outrageous rock drummer that ever lived; Keith Flint, the crazy one from The Prodigy; Keith Allen, dad of Lily; and, of course, the two indisputable Kings of the Keiths: Chegwin and Emu’s best pal Harris.
• Which celebrity would YOU like to have a beer with? Head over to Kate’s Listography and share your passions now.