So here goes…
Which living person do you most admire, and why?
Can I say my dad? Yes, I can do what I like. It’s my blog. My dad is the person I most admire. He is the Most-Comfortable-In-His-Own-Skin person I have ever met and I wish I was like him
When were you happiest?
1) The split second between sipping a cup of tea (milk, one sugar) and being told by my MD that I was being released from his employ because of cutbacks. Before that fraction in time, I had everything a man could ever hope for. I’m now trying to build something else.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
I once shared a house with Dale Winton. I’d gone out for a morning run, leaving Dale to his own devices. when I got bac I found a couple of youths trying to kick in the door. Dale was inside trying to phone the police. I screamed after them: ‘Oi, you, f*** off.’ But instead of skiddaddling, they started to come towards me, with no fear whatsoever in their faces. I hammered on the door for Dale to let me in, and we cowered there together until the p0lice came. One of the officers pointed at my T-shirt and said: ‘I’m not surprised they weren’t scared.’ I looked down at the slogan on the front: ‘Big. Hunky. Available.’
Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
My wife’s engagement ring, a citrus diamond.
What is your most treasured possession?
My Gibson Explorer electric guitar. It is shaped like a lightning strike. I bought it in the States when I worked at the Washington Post on a fellowship 20 years ago. It will be handed down to which child takes up learning how to play the instrument.
Where would you like to live?
Where we are, but not in a flat. A flat for five is just going to get tighter than a Gnat’s Phonebox in the future.
What’s your favourite smell?
The waft from the tandoori oven from the local Indian restaurant.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Peter Capaldi aka Malcolm Tucker from In The Thick Of It. A masterclass in creative swearing.
What is your favourite book?
Before She Met Me by Julian Barnes.
What is your most unappealing habit?
Ask my wife. But it could take a while.
What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
The Invisible Man
What is your earliest memory?
Having the tip of my little finger lopped off when my younger brother slammed the door on me during a game of ‘Chase’
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Seinfeld. I’ve got several box sets and have watched them several times.
What do you owe your parents?
A couple of grand. My Dad bailed me out of a money hole when I lost my job.
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
To my children, for saying I resent them, and often feeling that I resent them. And to my wife, for finding it hard to look on the bright side of being a Housedad.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Cheese and beer. Montgomery’s Cheddar and Doombar. Oh and my wife and kids blah blah
What does love feel like?
What was the best kiss of your life?
The one I’ll get tonight when my Successful Other Half returns from her week-long business trip.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
‘How many times have I asked you? Just pick it up.’
What is the worst job you’ve done?
College-holiday mechanic at the local garage. At lunch times, the guys offered to get me sometng from the chippy, wich I thought was very decent of them. They did this every day. Then at the end of the week when it came to giving me my pay packet, I found they’d deducted the chip shop money from it, leaving me with virtually nothing for my slave labour.
If you could edit your past, what would you change?
I wouldn’t have done what my last boss told me to do: I’d have gone with my instincts.
What is the closest you’ve come to death?
I was a reporter covering the first Gulf War in 1991. Me and a Spanish journalist were driving across the desert to cover the liberation of Kuwait City when our car hit a sandbank. We rolled several times and landed on the roof. I had a dislocated shoulder; he ruptured his spleen. We were found my MPs and taken to a field hospital in the middle of nowhere where we were patched up. We were then transported by Hercules to our hotel in Dhahran and put under house arrest, but the next day I escaped and drove into Kuwait City.
When did you last cry, and why?
This morning, when my six-year-old son properly swam for the first time.
How do you relax?
By talking s****e in the pub with my friends. Or talking s****e on the roof terrance with my wife.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Regular income that would enable me to carry on housedadding.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Money is way more important than you realise until you’ve got none coming in.
Well, that was enjoyable. So, who shall I tag now? Over to you LauraCYMFT…